Through Dangers Untold and Hardships Unnumbered
by BeautifulMoreSo
Summary: Six years after losing her father and shortly after, having the one man she loved most abandon her and disappear, Bella is still fighting demons. She thought she'd given up trying to figure it all out until a spur of the moment vacation across the water brings her face to face with the ghost of her past. AH? AU
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue. **

"Two weeks, Edward! TWO WEEKS! With no warning what-so-ever, you just… disappeared!" I screamed into the receiver, tears streaming down my cheeks and rolling over my chin, splattering against my chest. 

"I know. I'm sorry." Was his monotone reply. It held no sense of remorse or conviction. It lacked everything I knew of my Edward. 

"Where are you?!" I demanded. It was hard to be angry when I was so relieved to know he wasn't dead or hadn't just disappeared like had seemed to be the case. 

"I can't tell you that." He said, all dry and robotic. 

"You're not serious. Edward. Do you have any idea how worried I've been?!" 

"I'm sorry, Bella. I am." 

"You're sorry? Sorry? That's it? After all of this, that's all I get?" I ground my teeth together waiting to hear more. 

Silence. 

"Edward… Please. When are you coming home?" I closed my eyes, my knees bouncing rapidly against the underside of the kitchen table. 

Nothing. 

"Edward?" had he hung up? Had he not heard me ask? 

"I'm not coming back. I called to tell you good bye." 

The phone shook in my hands and I had to grip it with both just to keep it from falling through my fingers. My heart, rather than hammering against my ribs as it had been since I'd answered his phone call, seemed to stop dead in my chest. 

This couldn't be happening. 

"You don't mean that." It came out barely a whisper. 

I heard him clear his throat on the other end. 

"I do mean it. I'm sorry, Bella. But I just can't do this anymore." 

"No. No, Edward. Whatever it is I've done wrong, whatever you're thinking or feeling or going through, we can make it through this! We can. We always make it through. You were the one person who stood by my side when Charlie-" 

"I know. You needed me then, and I was there for you. We've been through a lot together but… things are just different now. And I need to let you go." 

My world seemed to be spinning out of control. My breaths came in sharp gasps, a dizziness sweeping over my consciousness making me panic more. Afraid that I would collapse and he'd hang up and I would never have the chance to speak to him again, I forced myself to breathe deep and regain some semblance of composure. 

"Please." I begged. "Please don't. Please just…I'll do whatever you want or need me to do, just please don't-"

"Isabella." His voice finally sounded something other than resigned and distant. "You can't blame yourself for this. It's just how it has to be."

"This doesn't make any sense. If your family is making you do this because Carlisle got orders or something, I understand how hard long distance can be. I really do. But I… I love you Edward. I love you and I NEED you. I needed you when Charlie was slipping away from me and I need you now. I will always need you. I really can handle whatever this is that's making you say these things. I promise. If it's distance, I'll make it work-"

"I don't WANT to make it work, Bella!" He shouted. "I'm sorry. I can't do this. I can't be with you anymore. You'll be much better off, and one day you'll thank me. You will. I promise." His voice began to shake, taking on a tone of desperation that made my stomach want to expel the little bit of food it contained.

"You don't want me…anymore…" the words tasted bitter on my tongue and my face crumpled at their hideous sound. I buried my head in the crook of my arm, the phone pressed painfully into my ear as though I could crawl through the receiver and into Edwards arms and make him see just how perfect we were for each other. How much we loved each other.

But I couldn't. And it would kill me.

"No." he said flatly. "I'm sorry, Bella. I have to go. You'll be okay. Promise me, you'll take care of yourself. For Renee… and for Charlie."

It was like a knife to the chest. How dare he use my dead father as an excuse to be okay with my life being shattered right before my eyes.

He didn't want me.

He didn't want to make it work.

He, too, was leaving me. Just like Charlie.

Only, this time it wasn't cancer stealing Edward from me…

And as horrible and selfish as it sounds, this was almost worse.

"Promise me." He said, firmer this time.

And as the sobs wracked my tired, aching body, I did the only thing I could do.

I whispered "okay," and broke down as the line went dead in my hands.

xxx

Thanks for reading! There will be more explain in the following chapters, I swear. Just, hold on and bear with me. 3 3 3 Til next time! xo


	2. good bye and good night

(15 months earlier)

His hand gripped mine as we sprinted past nurses stations and hospital room doors nearly knocking an attendee over as we rounded the corner to the ICU. Tears slipped down my cheeks and slid back into my hair as we ran and I didn't care. Very few people had ever seen me cry in my life time, but I didn't feel shame letting Edward see me do it. It felt safe. This was the moment I had been dreading for months and I wanted to think it was all a terrible dream. Why couldn't I wake up?

But even in the midst of all of the chaos, I felt like there was peace with Edward. Like holding his hand kept me buoyed through this storm that threatened to drown me.

I slowed as we neared the door to Charlie's room. Renee stood outside pacing, tears streaming down her cheeks. She slowed her pacing and rushed toward me when she realized we were there.

"Bella... baby..." she squeaked through her quiet sobs. I shook my head as I reached her, one hand clasped over my mouth and the other still secured to Edward's.

"No." I whispered. "Mom... Please tell me I'm not too late." I sobbed.

She shook her head quickly, wringing her hands together nervously. "No. No, you're not, honey. But... you don't have much time." she gave me a watery half smile and swiped at the mascara streaked beneath her eye lids before pulling me into her arms and crushing me against her. Wrapping an arm around her waist, I buried my face in her neck and we both shook with the sobs that wracked us. Edward stood behind me, my silent rock of solitude and strength, squeezing my fingers as tightly as he could.

Finally, I stepped back and took a deep breath as my mother squeezed my shoulder and nodded toward the door.

This was it.

I had to say goodbye.

My stomach twisted and knotted itself so tightly I could barely stand up straight.

As I stepped toward my last moments with Charlie, Edward cleared his throat and with a voice as soothing as warm summer breeze he spoke, "Bella. I'm going to be right here, okay?"

His fingers slipped from mine and I searched his face, my own the picture of desperation and panic.

_Please don't leave me. I can't do this without you!_I tried to say, but my mouth was too dry to speak. I swallowed against the lump that had lodged itself inside of my throat.

Edward stepped forward and ran the back of his hand down the side of my face. I was shaking so hard it made my teeth chatter and my back ache. He wrapped his arms around me gently and place his mouth beside my ear, so close that only I could hear.

"Bella...Charlie needs to see you. You two need this moment together. Just the two of you. I promise you, I will be right here when it's over and I wont leave until you ask me to. I love you and I'll be right here waiting. okay?"

I took a shudderring breath as Edward placed a kiss to my cheek and then stepped back to put an arm around Renee. She leaned into him comfortably, as if he were her son, and with some kind of strength I still don't know how I mustered, I opened the door to my father's room and walked to his bedside.

"Dad?" I croaked, my throat closing around the word as if by holding it captive it could keep him here with me, always.

"Dad, it's me; Bells. Can you open your eyes? Please?" My voice shook as I spoke and I tried as hard as I could to hold it together. I didn't want him to see how much it hurt to know he couldn't hold on anymore. I wanted his last moments to feel precious, not full of guilt over his daughters uncontrollable emotions.

I sat in the chair beside his bed and reached over to take his chilly fingers in my hands. He wasn't the Charlie I remembered. The dad I'd known could seemingly take on any super hero ever and win the fight with one hand tied behind his back. The strapping man who stole my mother's heart and protected us with his life; protected the entirety of Forks with his hard work and long hours and stern disposition that never made him look like a dick but made you WANT to respect his authority. This man, this shell of the father I once knew, was frail and weak and his sun baked skin now wore an eerie grey tinge that made his cheek bones stand out even more noticeably. His inability to eat over the past few days had made him wither nothing but skin and bones.

I choked back the sobs that tried to tear from my lungs but I couldn't keep the tears from slipping over my eye lids and rolling down my face. A single tear dripped from my chin and landed on the back of Charlie's hand and as I wiped it off, his eye lids fluttered slowly open.

"Bells?" he whispered through dry, cracked lips.

"Hey dad. Yeah, its me." I sniffed, squeezing his hand and leaning down to press a soft kiss to the back of it over the place my tear drop had landed.

"Baby, please don't cry. It's... gonna be... alright." he tried to assure me through heavy, labored breaths. I shook my head and felt his sad attempt to squeeze my hand.

"It's not, dad. It's not gonna be alright. Not without you. I understand... I know... I just... I can't..." my words tumbled around in my head and I started to become so frustrated with myself not being able to put a proper sentence together. This was going to be the last conversation I ever had with my father and I couldn't form a coherent thought.

"Promise...me... never... let a man... hurt you... like this... don't ever... give your heart... away so fully...that you hurt...like I'm hurting... your momma...and my baby girl..." slow tears began to creep from the sides of my father's now closing eye lids and I bent over and buried my face in Charlie's shoulder and finally bawled; hard and long and loud because I didn't know what else to do or say. This was so unfair.

"I mean it...Bella." Charlie sniffed, attempting to sound stern, "That boy...Edward... I see...how he...looks at you... how your world...revolves around...him... Your momma...and I were...much the same...and...I see...how your mom... is so...lost... and it's all... my fault."

My mother would lose her mind fully once my dad was gone, I was sure. What would we do without him? Charlie and I were the only two people that kept her feet on the ground and I couldn't perform that task on my own.

Not to mention that my father was the one person on this earth who really understood my quiet demeanor and my need to not talk about things sometimes. My mother was polar opposites from he and I, and while we loved her dearly, we needed each other to balance out the crazy sides of her. Outside of the fear of the unknown, I wouldn't let Charlie blame himself for his sickness. If he could choose I know he wouldn't go. He wouldn't leave us. He couldn't.

"Dad, stop. Stop blaming yourself for this. You fought hard..." I squeaked through trembling lips. "We're so, so proud of you..."

Shaking his head slowly he sighed. "Sweetheart, you...protect your...heart. If he...ever... goes...you...make sure... you can carry...on... got it, baby?" I nodded slowly. Not trusting my voice.

I wished he knew that I wasn't like her. At least... I didn't think so. How could it not devastate you to lose someone you love? And how could you just choose NOT to love someone you care so much for? He was asking me something that felt impossible. I wouldn't know what to do if Edward left me too... but I also felt an obligation to fulfill his dying request. Someway, somehow. Hopefully, just by never having to deal with that scenario.

The silence stretched between us and I wracked my brain for something impactful to say, something encouraging, some way to show him that I loved him and he was the best dad in the whole world. Time was moving too fast and so slow and I thought I was going to drive myself crazy watching the seconds of my father's life tick past without any way of slowing them.

"Dad...I love you. I hope you know that. I love you so much. You're the strongest, bravest, most caring man I've ever met and I promise you I'll take care of mom. And I'll take care of my heart. Don't worry, okay? Please. Thank you for making my life so great..." I stopped then, my heart racing in my chest, tears soaking the front of my shirt and the sheets on Charlie's bed. I watched as my father's lips quirked into a small, slow smile, he squeezed my hand lightly, breathed in one deep long sigh and as if falling into a deep comfortable sleep... he let go.

"Charlie?...Dad?...DAD!"

The door swung open and every thing from there was a blur. Nurses flooding in... my mother's pale, tear streaked face passing by with them to Charlie's side. I stumbled for the door, tears manipulating my vision into smeared grey blobs and blinding yellow-white orbs. "Edward... Edward!" My voice like sand paper scraped from my throat in a hoarse, choked whisper and my breaths escaped in hyperventilating gasps. I emerged from the stale, suffocating room and immediately a pair of warm, strong arms swept me up and crushed me into the chest of the only man I had left in my life.

Edward.

"Shhh bella, its okay. I'm here. I'm right here. I'm so sorry, Bella." he breathed into my neck as he cradled me like a child against him, holding me together as I fell completely apart.

xxxxx

It took so long getting this up because I was going back and forth about adding on the next chapter as a part of this one. In the end, I really felt like this should stand alone. It's a slow progression into the meat of the story and some people don't understand Bella's response to Edward's breaking up with her in the first chapter so I think really stretching this out and allowing the intensity of that day sink in, will help you understand. Also, this might end up being just and AU instead of an AH-AU. I'll let you know what I decide. Thanks shevanishedlikeadream for making this even more confusing than it had started out as;) just kidding..i wouldn't be here without you. oxoxoxox


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